Ethics/Attitudes · Resources

What are your Sexual Values…?

A few months ago I read a fantastic article by the wonderful Cindy Gallop  – it was part of a larger piece asking a variety of experts in their fields, what essential life lessons were missing from young people’s education, and what did they wish they had been taught in school.  Her answer was something that I had never really considered before – despite what I spend my days discussing…

“Young people should be taught about sexual values”.

In the article Cindy spoke of the fact our parent’s and teachers bring us up to have good manners, a work ethic, a sense of accountability – however this never extends to the bedroom… I wonder why this is…

“Empathy, sensitivity, respect, kindness, generosity and honesty are just as important values when it comes to sex as they are when it comes to an other area of our lives and work where we are actively taught to exercise those values”. This is a really interesting point of view, especially considering all the discussions these days around rape culture, sexual harassment and banter…

However, if we openly promote good sexual values, and good sexual behaviours as a matter of course – in the same way we encourage young people to hold open doors for others, to share, or to simply say please and thank you…  In no time at all, they can quickly become standards of behaviour and will undermine the negative attitudes that underpin rape culture.

Ever since reading this article this is a question I make a point of asking the young people I work with, and it opens up amazing conversations – once they get over the initial confusion about what you are talking about. I have had a number of conversations around pleasure, risk, responsibility, what sex means, and what they want or are looking for from the sex they are having.

(Below: whiteboard brainstorm of a groups sexual values…)


Unfortunately, when it comes to sex we are often very quick to take our clothes off without always thinking about what we want or what we need. Even if we have thought these ideas through by ourselves, we are rarely brave enough to talk them through with any potential partners. That would be far too embarrassing…?!?

But just think about the possible conversations it opens up:

Whose responsibility is your pleasure? Is it your’s or their’s?  Should they be held accountable if you don’t enjoy yourself, especially if you haven’t told them what you like…?

What about risk? If you catch an STI from a partner whose responsibility is that…?  What about pregnancy?

What does sex mean… do you have to be in love? Is it about fun & pleasure or is it an expectation of your relationship…?

What about respect? Can you treat someone equally respectfully if the encounter is a one night stand apposed to a long term relationship…? of course you can.

Thinking about what our sexual values are should be a key starting point in our conversations with young people… so start asking and encouraging young people to develop their bedroom manners, not just their table manners!

Resources · Training

Foundation Training Video

Thank you to all the professionals that attended Thursdays training course in Bulkington. We hope you all had fun and took a lot from the course.

You should receive an email in the next few days with a password to allow you access to the course material here on the site. In the meantime, here is the video of the teenage bedroom scene we watched as promised… it is called Screwball:


Don’t for get to book on to the next course “It’s only Banter” click here for more details…



Upcoming Training Dates for Professionals

 Foundation: Talking to Young people about Relationships & Sex 

  • Thursday 28th September: Bulkington Village Community Centre

Talking to young people about sex and their relationships can be daunting – what do you say? Can you answer their questions honestly? How much is too much? Where do you draw the line…?

The truth is if you work with young people, the chances are you will have to engage them in conversations about sex and relationships – whether it is unpicking their attitudes to sex, their partners or sign posting them to access support or contraception.  Regardless if you like it or not it is inevitable. If they value you as a worker they will talk to you and ask you questions – whether you think you are the right person or not!

The foundation training is designed to give professionals who work young people a good understanding of RSE and their role in delivering quality sex positive interventions.

to find out more click here…

It’s Only Banter: exploring Issues of Peer to Peer Exploitation

  • Monday 6th November:  Poundlane Leamington

We are starting to understand that there is far more to comprehensive sex education than merely condom demos and a warning about STIs. Stories around consent, incidents of slut shaming and examples of rape culture are a permanent feature of social media and the tabloid press – but are they an issue or merely banter?

How do you balance flirting and innocent behaviours from sexual harassment and abuse? Where is the line and is there any grey areas when it comes to consent?

To find out more click here…

To book on to any of these courses or if you have any questions please contact Public Health admin:


Sexual Health Week 2017 – Let’s talk about porn

Next week (11th Sept) is FPA’s sexual health week. The theme is ‘Let’s talk about porn’

“We want to support people to have more open discussions about subjects related to porn, such as body image, consent, communication, safer sex…and the difference between fantasy and reality.”

Here’s a link to their campaign page;


There’s some resources that you might find useful. Also it’s a good excuse to raise the topic with the young people you work with.

FPA poster